A Calm, Rational Message to Doomsaying Climate Maniacs
Unglue yourself from the wall and consider the data
Yesterday, protesters from a group called Just Stop Oil sprayed orange paint on Stonehenge. Here’s video:
There are actually four bits of good news here. The first is that I have an excuse to post this:
The second bit of good news is that Stonehenge doesn’t appear to have suffered any lasting damage (what a well-made henge!). The third piece of good news is that these eco-wankers will probably get a prison sentence, and Stonehenge UK has already given them the harshest punishment they’re allowed to issue by law: a red, angry-face emoji:
The fourth bit of good news is that after years of bizarre protests that include damaging artwork and disrupting traffic, these groups are widely known to simply be cults. They’re not environmentalists, they’re not political demonstrators — they’re cults whose tactics are probably best described as “maximum assholery”. Future actions will probably include painting pubes on the Venus de Milo, throwing pig’s blood on Julie Andrews, and digitally editing all existing copies of E.T. so that the alien has massive boobs. Because these people just revel in being dicks.
But maybe I’m wrong! Maybe these douche-lords — who also threw paint on Taylor Swift’s plane yesterday, which could cost her $500 in cleanup, which will surely cause her to rethink everything — are not a cult. Maybe they’re rational actors who simply need to be presented with evidence that their doomsday view of climate change isn’t warranted. So, this column is for members of Just Stop Oil, Extinction Rebellion, Climate Defiance, and other similar groups. Folks: I bring good tidings of great joy. Because evidence is gathering that we’re experiencing a revolution in low-carbon technology. The things that need to happen are happening, and we increasingly know what to do and just need to do more of it, faster.