Are We in a Double Parking Epidemic?

And should we consider the death penalty for offenders?

Photo by EditorialRF via Getty.

There are three things I firmly believe despite a lack of hard evidence:

1. The 1980s were a bucket of ass, artistically speaking;

2. Furbies evolved from Teddy Ruxpin the same way that birds evolved from dinosaurs;

3. There is way more double parking than there used to be, and it’s not all Ubers and Amazon trucks.

The third belief is probably the strongest-held of the three. Though the second is supported by this compelling visual evidence:

Look at the shape of the skull around the eyes and mouth.

But about double parking: I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been stuck behind some douchelazer who had to run into Walgreen’s but couldn’t be bothered to find an actual parking spot. This thoughtless person caused a traffic jam by rendering a previously-usable lane unusable, which is like not having a diaper and deciding to wipe your baby’s ass on a passerby’s dog. It’s an antisocial act…or at least it was, though I feel that it’s been normalized.