Brutal: The Biggest Celebrity Raising Awareness of Darfur This Time Around is the "Dude You're Gettin' a Dell" Guy

The people of Darfur can't buy a break

For the second time this century, the Darfur region of Sudan is ablaze with violence. There are reports of atrocities, and Western governments have condemned the bloodshed. But this time — unlike during the conflict in 2003 — Hollywood A-listers have stayed away. Tragically, the biggest celebrity to try to draw attention to the violence this time around is the “Dude, you’re gettin’ a Dell” guy from those ads in the early 2000s.

That’s quite a gut-punch to the already beleaguered people of Darfur. In 2003, atrocities in the region — which killed an estimated 400,000 people and displaced millions — at least drew visits from blue chip A-listers like George Clooney, Angelina Jolie, and Matt Damon. No similar response has occurred this time. Unless you consider envoy trips by The Dell Guy, William Hung, and one of the guys who played R2D2 to be “a similar response”.

To his credit, the Dell Guy — aka Ben Curtis — has been tireless in his efforts to raise awareness of the situation.¹ He recently led a tour of the region that included H-list stars such as Jon Gosselin, Ken Bone, and the David After Dentist kid. This group of arguable luminaries spent a week touring villages burned by the paramilitary Rapid Support Forces and frantically posting to social media in a desperate attempt to gain the world’s attention. For a moment, a “We are the World”-style “Song For Darfur” arranged by Kato Kalin and the guy who clubbed Nancy Kerrigan seemed poised to go viral. Sadly, it was pulled from Facebook when “unintentional” nip slips from Farrah Abraham and Dina Lohan were revealed.

The people of Darfur have accepted this outreach with a mix of gratitude and confusion. In an Instagram post, one resident of a refugee camp said that she was “very grateful for the efforts of John Wayne Bobbitt, Tila Tequila, and the one who is just called ‘Balloon Boy’.” She continued to say that though she “[did] not know what it means to be a ‘drummer from Hoobistank’ [sic],” she was grateful that he “at least tried to bring attention to our suffering, while big-time, bankable stars like Tom Cruise and Sandra Bullock do nothing.”

Above: Joey Buttafuoco and Octomom pose with a group of refugees. (built from a photo by United to End Genocide)

The people of Darfur may be unfortunate that the conflict has flared up at the same time as the war in the Gaza Strip, which has attracted a great deal of celebrity attention. Of course, the timing may not be wholly coincidental: The Rapid Support Forces are materially backed by the United Arab Emirates, and the RSF may have ramped up their October offensive under the assumption that the West would be reluctant to pressure the UAE at such a sensitive time in the region. Regardless of timing, the world’s attention is clearly elsewhere. With the notable exceptions of Kevin Federline, Baby Jessica, one of the Milli Vanilli guys, and the trampoline bear from that viral video.

While human rights advocates stressed that they appreciate the efforts of the long-forgotten commercial actors and flash-in-the-pan internet celebrities who have rallied to Darfur’s cause, they remain perplexed that the crisis hasn’t drawn even the attention of occasionally working sitcom actors or pop stars desperate to stay relevant. “Where is Jim Belushi?” said Human Rights Watch regional liaison Atif Salah. “Where is Macklemore? It’s not like we expect Don Cheadle to show up again — we know those days are over. But you’re telling me Rob Schneider can’t get on a plane? And that therefore we have to make do with the ‘Chocolate Rain’ guy? People are dying!”

In many ways, the situation in Darfur is the same as it was twenty years ago. Militias are engaged in ethnic cleansing. The world is feckless in response. But the caliber of celebrity rallying to the cause has undeniably changed. The days when basically the entire Ocean’s 11 crew could be found in Sudan trying to draw the world’s attention to the conflict are over. Things seem likely to get worse before they get better for those caught in the crossfire, unless the commendable efforts of Chumbawamba, Mike “the Situation” Sorrentino, and a couple of mid-tier Dugger children can somehow turn the tide.

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1. Not really — this is a bit. Though, if I’m wrong, and the Dell Guy did organize a trip to Darfur with William Hung and R2D2, then please pass that information along.