41 Comments
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George Dillard's avatar

It is very disrespectful of you to downplay his scrambling ability. He was so much more than a pure passer. I will be contacting your employer.

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C-man's avatar

You forgot to mention that he got his start in political commentary by appearing in the "haha a lady with balls" subplot in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Sad!

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Jay Moore's avatar

Nice try, I’ll give you that. The best lies contain a kernel of truth. But the “football” for which Kirk is legendary is known here as “soccer.” Yeah, that’s right: he played a wussy, socialist , European sport. And even worse, he was really good at it. Since the right’s attempt to cover that up have failed, you’re now trying to use Americans’ cultural myopia to portray it as something patriotic.

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Edward Scizorhands's avatar

If Charlie Kirk were alive today, he would want us to wipe every country that uses the name "football" to refer to a sport of kicking a ball with a foot off the face of the earth.

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Todd Bauer's avatar

Wow. Fucking wow. I'm usually a fan, but the level of ignorance is unreal. How do you mix up the greatest Vtuber of all time with some dumb sportsballer? Super disappointed in you, dude. 🙏 DO 🙏 BETTER 🙏

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timcreen's avatar

Zero mention of Kirk breaking the sound barrier. Shameful.

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Mike Staber's avatar

And not one fucking word about his contribution to men's hand health as the ambassador for isotoner brand gloves. They're not just gloves, they're fucking Isotoner gloves, custom made to hug your hand so the glove always fits. Never forget his message, "take care of the hands that take care of you".

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Madam Curiae's avatar

Outrageous mistake on your part, Mauer. There is simply no way Kirk would go near an offensive line.

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Seth McClure's avatar

What often gets obscured in this cornucopia of records is that his Sugar Bowl Victory also set the record for youngest QB to do so at -12. An argument, if I've ever heard one, for getting your kids started in sports early.

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Mike's avatar

It's stupid lefties like Tua Tagovailoa that won't stop tarnishing his legacy with the Dolphins

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Patrick Flannery's avatar

Well done. I could feel the alternate reality taking shape before me. White House comms should be calling today. And as a Bills fan I'd just like to point out that Dan Marino blows dead donkeys.

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Hollis Brown's avatar

MLK was one of the most consistent pass rushers of his day. sadly, his Civil Rights legacy has overshadowed his accomplishments on the field.

this brings to mind another overlooked athlete, the great George Floyd, who ran a 4.3 and who set a state record in passing yards before eclipsing these accomplishments with his criminal record and drug abuse.

I think this would make a great ESPN documentary.

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ronetc's avatar

I am not quite sure how to respond to this column, but I think it has to be something that includes the mention of meds.

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Ross Andrews's avatar

23 INT's in a season (twice!) is completely unacceptable. Sorry Maurer, you're just wrong about this.

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mcsvbff bebh's avatar

Totally different era. Apple and oranges.

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Stewie's avatar

**me predicting the comments** 🤔

**me reading the comments** 🎯

Get a sense of humor ya'll, I needed some comedy after such a dark couple of weeks.

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All animals matter's avatar

Um...are you confused with another Charlie Kirk? The Right-wing political activist was born in 1993. He wasn't on this Earth in 1984. So, how could he play football then?

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Jeff Maurer's avatar

Agree to disagree.

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Morgan Hobbs's avatar

Brings to mind Socrates’ legendary, game winning goal against the German philosophers.

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Tom Hitchner's avatar

THAT WAS ARCHIMEDES

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Morgan Hobbs's avatar

Archimedes was a hell of a good footballer.

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Jeff K's avatar

Arch It Like Archimedes!

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Biscuiteer's avatar

Eureka!

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Ross Andrews's avatar

It's true that he wasn't on this Earth, but the NFL had a lot of inter-planetary games back then.

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Erik Kain's avatar

He was born September 15th, 1961. Smh

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Kent Owens's avatar

Made my day. Thanks!

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Banewok's avatar

So strange. I kinda get what you’re going for, but how do you conceptualize this piece in the first place lmao. Sold it well

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P. Eldred's avatar

"Why are so many NFL Teams Memorializing Charlie Kirk like he was important to football?" -> "What if Charlie Kirk was important to Football?" -> "What if I mistakenly believed Charlie Kirk was Dan Marino?"

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Banewok's avatar

i don’t get it

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