23 Comments
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George Dillard's avatar

It is very disrespectful of you to downplay his scrambling ability. He was so much more than a pure passer. I will be contacting your employer.

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C-man's avatar

You forgot to mention that he got his start in political commentary by appearing in the "haha a lady with balls" subplot in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Sad!

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Jay Moore's avatar

Nice try, I’ll give you that. The best lies contain a kernel of truth. But the “football” for which Kirk is legendary is known here as “soccer.” Yeah, that’s right: he played a wussy, socialist , European sport. And even worse, he was really good at it. Since the right’s attempt to cover that up have failed, you’re now trying to use Americans’ cultural myopia to portray it as something patriotic.

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Todd Bauer's avatar

Wow. Fucking wow. I'm usually a fan, but the level of ignorance is unreal. How do you mix up the greatest Vtuber of all time with some dumb sportsballer? Super disappointed in you, dude. 🙏 DO 🙏 BETTER 🙏

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timcreen's avatar

Zero mention of Kirk breaking the sound barrier. Shameful.

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All animals matter's avatar

Um...are you confused with another Charlie Kirk? The Right-wing political activist was born in 1993. He wasn't on this Earth in 1984. So, how could he play football then?

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Jeff Maurer's avatar

Agree to disagree.

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Morgan Hobbs's avatar

Brings to mind Socrates’ legendary, game winning goal against the German philosophers.

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Tom Hitchner's avatar

THAT WAS ARCHIMEDES

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Morgan Hobbs's avatar

Archimedes was a hell of a good footballer.

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Jeff K's avatar

Arch It Like Archimedes!

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Ross Andrews's avatar

It's true that he wasn't on this Earth, but the NFL had a lot of inter-planetary games back then.

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Erik Kain's avatar

He was born September 15th, 1961. Smh

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Ross Andrews's avatar

23 INT's in a season (twice!) is completely unacceptable. Sorry Maurer, you're just wrong about this.

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Patrick Flannery's avatar

Well done. I could feel the alternate reality taking shape before me. White House comms should be calling today. And as a Bills fan I'd just like to point out that Dan Marino blows dead donkeys.

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ronetc's avatar

I am not quite sure how to respond to this column, but I think it has to be something that includes the mention of meds.

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Mike Staber's avatar

And not one fucking word about his contribution to men's hand health as the ambassador for isotoner brand gloves. They're not just gloves, they're fucking Isotoner gloves, custom made to hug your hand so the glove always fits. Never forget his message, "take care of the hands that take care of you".

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Seth McClure's avatar

What often gets obscured in this cornucopia of records is that his Sugar Bowl Victory also set the record for youngest QB to do so at -12. An argument, if I've ever heard one, for getting your kids started in sports early.

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Mike's avatar

It's stupid lefties like Tua Tagovailoa that won't stop tarnishing his legacy with the Dolphins

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Joe Motacek's avatar

You couldn't be more wrong. Charlie Kirk had to ask Satan for a Super Bowl ring, but even the Devil himself knew his talent was lacking. It's obvious he was willing to sell his soul to get one, but still couldn't hack it. Anyone arguing that he was the GOAT is ignoring reality.

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I'd Use My Name but Internet's avatar

Colin Kaepernick is clearly the GOAT

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All animals matter's avatar

I wonder what happened to my comment?

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Banewok's avatar

So strange. I kinda get what you’re going for, but how do you conceptualize this piece in the first place lmao. Sold it well

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