Five Times I Sided with the Bad Guys in Movies
Ariel is a brat, The Baroness is class (and other observations)
Every story has a protagonist and an antagonist. We imagine ourselves as the protagonist — even if that’s total horseshit — and the antagonist is the subject of our ire. The antagonist is the proxy for every selfish and pig-headed a-hole who stands in the way of our righteous march to awesomeness.
But what if the antagonist is in the right? I think this happens sometimes. I think on occasion, screenwriters assume that black clothing and ominous music will turn us against an antagonist without fully thinking through the ethical dimensions of the scenario. Below are five times that I found myself siding with the so-called “antagonist” as they righteously struggled against well-lit and rosy-cheeked forces of oppression.
Ursula the Sea Witch in The Little Mermaid
So, let me get this straight: Ursula is the “bad guy” because she offered Ariel a contract that Ariel — after no negotiation — willfully signed. The signature was executed in the presence of two witnesses (eels), in accordance with Sea Law. Ursula upheld the contract, Ariel broke the contract and engaged in some personal property damage when she broke Ursula’s shell, and Ursula is supposed to be the villain? I don’t fucking think so. Ariel is a spoiled brat who wants her powerful daddy to help her wiggle out of her commitments, Ursula is an enterprising-if-unorthodox entrepreneur, and if you disagree, I’m forced to ask: Why do you hate strong, assertive businesswomen?
Consider the implications of Ariel breaking this contract with no consequences. Contracts are foundational to society: Without them, the strong can prey on the weak with impunity. Ariel — a princess — wants her father — the state — to arbitrarily change the law to suit her interests. Folks, there is only one word for that: despotism. Or maybe two words: sea despotism. King Triton is Wet Hitler, an autocrat who believes that the law is whatever he says it is.
And if you’re thinking “She was just a girl, she wasn’t old enough to consent” — folks, she gets married at the end of this movie! How is she old enough to get married but not old enough to consent to a contract? You can’t have it both ways — if we deem her compos mentis during the contract signing, then there’s no ethical problem with her getting married. But if she’s incapable of consent during the contract signing, then Prince Eric is a sex criminal and this is a dark, dark film.
In summary: Ursula is cool, and anyone who disagrees is a woman-hating fascist who might also be a pedophile.