Gather 'Round Children, and I Shall Tell You the Tale of Jeremy Corbyn
The Youngs haven't heard this one
The DSA is largely a movement of Youngs. That gives it an aura, since Olds gravitate towards things liked by the Youngs because we’re reluctant to admit that we’re now an unfuckable pile of bones.1 The Youngs have energy, optimism, and the ability to drink three cocktails without having to spend a week in traction. All us Olds have is wisdom and — eventually — discount coffee at McDonald’s.
But about that wisdom: It increases the number of times that you find yourself thinking “I’ve seen this before”. And many Olds have noticed that the current Democratic Party schism seems a lot like what happened to Britain’s Labour Party in the 2010s. For five years, Labour was led by a self-proclaimed socialist named Jeremy Corbyn, which every Old knows because in our frame of reference, these events occurred nanoseconds ago. But there are people casting votes today who were seven when Corbyn came to power and twelve when he was ignominiously drummed out of the party — they likely haven’t heard this story. So, this article is for them: Gather ‘round, Youngs, and I shall tell you a tale from many iPhones ago.
The year was 2015. The top film in the country was The Strumpet’s Dalliance starring Lillian Gish, and a h’penny would still buy you a phosphate, a bowler hat, and a year’s labor from a stout Irish nanny. In the United Kingdom, the Prime Minister was Conservative David “Sexual Chocolate” Cameron, and Labour had been out of power since The Hundred Years War ended in 2010. The 2015 elections were bad for Labour, and — in accordance with custom — then-leader Ed Miliband was executed in Trafalgar Square and his severed head was made to give wrong answers to trivia questions on 8 Out of 10 Cats.
