God Have Mercy: Iran is Poised to Become Delaware
Those monsters
Trump’s deal with Iran — call it the “JCPOS” — contains an endless parade of humiliations. And it’s not even the final deal: We’re entering a 60-day negotiating period, which will probably end with Iran annexing Texas, being given the recipe to KFC chicken, and renaming the Grand Canyon “The Infidel’s Vagina”. In exchange, Iran will agree to only use their nuclear arsenal against states that didn’t vote for Trump.
One of the less-reported on parts of the deal is this: After the 60-day negotiating period, Iran currently retains the right to charge fees on ships traveling through the Strait of Hormuz. There were no fees before the war — this would be a major change. And if Iran turns the Strait into a toll gate, and a substantial portion of global shipping has to pay whatever fee Iran decides to impose, then we will enter a dark era: Iran will have become the world’s Delaware.
For those who don’t live in the mid-Atlantic: Delaware is America’s Bridge Troll, a parasitic leech-state with an economy built on nickel-and-diming its neighbors. Driving virtually anywhere between Washington and New York requires driving on I-95, and the people of Delaware are the ruthless warlords of a 23-mile stretch of that 230-mile route. This is true even though I-95 is barely even in Delaware — the freeway would miss the state if Delaware’s uncircumcised tip wasn’t uncomfortably poking Pennsylvania:
For the privilege of traveling that sad patch of concrete — which is only scenic if you’re brought to tears by the beauty of duty-free outlet malls — Delaware charges ten fat dollars (more if you don’t have EZPass). That’s 43 cents a mile — Maryland charges 11 cents per mile to drive down I-95 and New Jersey charges 13. The only reason Delaware can get away with this is: 1) There’s no alternative; 2) Once you’re in Delaware, you’ll pay virtually any price to leave.
Delaware claims that this lube-free ass-reaming is to pay for upkeep on the Delaware Memorial Bridge. But if you believe that, then I’ve got a utilitarian, revenue-generating bridge to sell you. Iran, notably, has adopted similar language: They’ve said any fees will be “a payment for services”. Of course, the “service” in this case is “not blowing up your container ship with a drone”. And Delaware has not yet resorted to drone warfare to mooch off its neighbors, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it’s being discussed.
The Delaware toll is a tax on America; a Strait of Hormuz toll would be a tax on the world. It would be yet another little thing that drives up costs, and there was no chance of it happening before this stupid war. The effect of Trump’s bungling was to show Iran just how much leverage they had and then allow them to use that leverage against us in a negotiation. And now there’s a chance that the world will get Delaware’d hard in the rectum for years to come.
I never read The Art of the Deal, but I assume somewhere in that tome is this:
Don't make it obvious to your opponent that you are desperate for a deal and will accept anything, even a deal worse than the one you yourself tore up, and especially don't do this after you kill your opponent's father.
That toll isn't even in Delaware- it's in Maryland. The bridge toll is a joint toll shared with New Jersey. Delaware has zero tolls on its route. The only toll you pay in Delaware is on Route 1, if you're going to the beach.
Also, the pic you have is of Camden, New Jersey.
If you're going to attack Delaware, at least attack it for things it actually does, like house most of the world's evil corporations. Don't attack it because Maryland is greedy (see also: the Susquehanna bridge toll, which is miles away from Delaware and is even more onerous than the bridge toll or the toll Maryland imposes at the Delaware border for the privilege of entering or leaving Delaware).