Or my favorite, the point/counterpoint, "European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men vs. American Girls Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy".
1. To quote Ecclesiastes, "there is nothing new under the sun." Political activists tend to be much the same, regardless of what era of history they live in--just look at the failed communal experiments in America in the mid-19th century.
2. One thing about the Babylon Bee is that they will actually poke fun at/satirize their actual core audience or things their actual core audience likes. I'm not sure if the Onion does that anymore, or could get away with it even if it did. I will welcome correction on this point.
‘"I tried shouting to the people on the dance floor that the roof was on fire and that they should exit the premises immediately, but they seemed unfazed by the danger," firefighter Michael Pitti said. "I just kept shouting, 'The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire!' and so forth, but they just went right on dancing, insisting that they didn't need any of our water and that we should let the motherfucker burn."’
Both the Onion and the Babylon Bee are often funny when (rarely) they poke fun at their own side, and hardly ever funny when (frequently) they poke fun at the other side.
You jest, but this non-American somehow acquired a copy of Our Dumb Century as a teenager and a LOT of what I know about American history ultimately began there!
I will always love old school The Onion after discovering Our Dumb Century at the age of 12.
Perhaps their best and most potent recurring feature nowadays is publishing the same headline after every single mass shooting in the US: “‘No Way to Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Happens Regularly”.
Male form of diallia, Arabic name meaning roughly, ‘flowery branch’. Shabazz is the name of a tribe in a story by the Nation of Islam (black Muslims)which got kidnapped by evil white people. I think they still call their bakery Shabazz bakery. This is likely where this man got the name. I know it was where Shabazz Muhammad the NBA player got it. And Malcom X.
If you've ever looked at private schools for your children, you will find that there is an inverse relationship between the number of minorities on the cover of the brochure and the student body.
My brother went to a very white university, where his college (a bit like a Hogwarts house) only had one black person. They didn't photoshop anyone in, but apparently the one black guy was in a LOT of the photos in their prospectus.
There was a black dude who pissed off the wokesters in Corvallis, Oregon when he set up a booth at a farmer’s market with a sign that said “Take a picture with a real black person”. White Oregon people are sensitive like that!
I'm reminded of the Scrubs episode where it was revealed that Turk was so much the "token black guy" at college that was on the cover of their brochure twice.
25 years later I still laugh at the article in Our Dumb Century about the 1906 San Francisco earthquake being “The Least Gay Day in San Francisco History”. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard from the written word.
This seems as good a time as any to ask. In the late 2000s, I recall seeing an Onion headline which read something to the effect of "Taylor Swift Successfully Crosses Over into Masturbation Fantasies of Non-Country Music Fans".
I am now completely unable to find this article. Did Swift's lawyers issue them with a cease-and-desist, or did I just imagine this headline?
Seems like The Onion has either (a) moved servers at some point, resulting in a whole bunch of their old articles basically being wiped away; or (b) deleted a whole bunch of their older and more "problematic" articles, presumably while whipping themselves with reeds as penance for their sins.
long story short, as someone who writes about The Onion's history: They've revamped their website a million times, breaking links and/or accidentally deleting jokes. In the 2020s alone, they changed the URL structure and broke thousands of links.
Also, for many years a lot of jokes weren't archived -- they appeared in print but not online, or were on the website for a few days, then deleted. I suspect something like that happened to the Swift joke you're recalling.
Best Onion piss-take specifically of Woke 1.0. And nothing before or after comes even remotely close.
https://youtu.be/lpzVc7s-_e8?is=Ks-QuYDlo72nrLnQ
That video was so funny. I agree about the old Onion days. I read the Onion constantly in the early 2000s. My favorite ever:
https://theonion.com/vatican-rescinds-blessed-status-of-worlds-meek-1819564771/
I knew what it would be before I even clicked the link lol. It very well might be the best two minutes anywhere on YouTube
Ben: OMG so funny thanks!
My pleasure! I hear that Swarthmore is holding another gender fluid non-binary poetry slam this summer!
I just installed macOS Golden Gate.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=2073888373560410
I wrote about this!
https://thegattonicelli.medium.com/the-subaru-mystique-82976e46e7d2
The Onion headline on 9/11 "Holy Fucking Shit" was the only correct one
"Life suddenly turns into Jerry Bruckheimer film."
"Area woman bakes a cake."
Their first post 9/11 issue was profound. A true masterpiece.
Bingo 👆
Let us not forget the classic, "Why do these homosexuals keep sucking my cock?"
Or my favorite, the point/counterpoint, "European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men vs. American Girls Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy".
One of those jokes where you don't need the rest of the article, it's just gravy. Ehhhh....poor choice of words.
Onion was always good at headlines that don't need an article, such as: Starbucks Launches Sinister-Sounding "Phase Two of Operation".
This is one way that Babylon Bee has problems. Some ideas should stay headlines instead of being stretched into anything else.
Also: FDA Investigates KFC Snackers For Having Traces Of Food
Women: Why Don't They Just Lose Some Weight?
I was scrolling for that exact reference!
The "crazed Palestinian gunman" link doesn't work, but it's been archived: https://web.archive.org/web/20180314164252/https://theonion.com/crazed-palestinian-gunman-angered-by-stereotypes-1819564228/
Holy shit, it even includes the phrase "diversity is our greatest strength". In an article from '97!
Thanks — fixed!
1. To quote Ecclesiastes, "there is nothing new under the sun." Political activists tend to be much the same, regardless of what era of history they live in--just look at the failed communal experiments in America in the mid-19th century.
2. One thing about the Babylon Bee is that they will actually poke fun at/satirize their actual core audience or things their actual core audience likes. I'm not sure if the Onion does that anymore, or could get away with it even if it did. I will welcome correction on this point.
https://web.archive.org/web/20180315224707/https://theonion.com/roof-on-fire-claims-lives-of-43-party-people-1819565022/
‘"I tried shouting to the people on the dance floor that the roof was on fire and that they should exit the premises immediately, but they seemed unfazed by the danger," firefighter Michael Pitti said. "I just kept shouting, 'The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire!' and so forth, but they just went right on dancing, insisting that they didn't need any of our water and that we should let the motherfucker burn."’
Alas The Onion, I knew it well.
"98% of American commuters favor the increased use of public transportation by other people"
"Slow motion woman emerges glistening from pool"
IIRC, the only time someone successfully applied for a job there back then was by submitting an article titled "Area Loser Seeks Job".
Both the Onion and the Babylon Bee are often funny when (rarely) they poke fun at their own side, and hardly ever funny when (frequently) they poke fun at the other side.
A sad microcosm of our age.
My favorite Onion article of all time is "Special Olympics Rigged: Many So-Called Winners Found to have Lost Badly"
Our Dumb Century is a flat-out masterpiece and should be used as a supplemental text in American History classes.
You jest, but this non-American somehow acquired a copy of Our Dumb Century as a teenager and a LOT of what I know about American history ultimately began there!
Don't forget Our Dumb World. Djibouti, lol.
I will always love old school The Onion after discovering Our Dumb Century at the age of 12.
Perhaps their best and most potent recurring feature nowadays is publishing the same headline after every single mass shooting in the US: “‘No Way to Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Happens Regularly”.
"World's Largest Metaphor Hits Iceberg" and "Holy Shit! Man Lands On Fucking Moon" are two of the best.
The "black guy Photoshopped in" thing really happened: https://www.reddit.com/r/wisconsin/comments/1n6t2ew/25_years_ago_today_university_of_wisconsin_was/
I also *love* that the photoshopped black student’s actual name was “Diallo Shabazz” and that he never once attended any Wisconsin football games
Moslem name. Wonder what his story was?
Is Diallo Shabazz a Muslim name?
Male form of diallia, Arabic name meaning roughly, ‘flowery branch’. Shabazz is the name of a tribe in a story by the Nation of Islam (black Muslims)which got kidnapped by evil white people. I think they still call their bakery Shabazz bakery. This is likely where this man got the name. I know it was where Shabazz Muhammad the NBA player got it. And Malcom X.
https://i0.wp.com/ahmadiyyafactcheckblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/IsmaelSammaan1947.jpg?w=1280&ssl=1
If you've ever looked at private schools for your children, you will find that there is an inverse relationship between the number of minorities on the cover of the brochure and the student body.
My brother went to a very white university, where his college (a bit like a Hogwarts house) only had one black person. They didn't photoshop anyone in, but apparently the one black guy was in a LOT of the photos in their prospectus.
There was a black dude who pissed off the wokesters in Corvallis, Oregon when he set up a booth at a farmer’s market with a sign that said “Take a picture with a real black person”. White Oregon people are sensitive like that!
I'm reminded of the Scrubs episode where it was revealed that Turk was so much the "token black guy" at college that was on the cover of their brochure twice.
It's kinda funny that the Onion switched it to Iowa State.
25 years later I still laugh at the article in Our Dumb Century about the 1906 San Francisco earthquake being “The Least Gay Day in San Francisco History”. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard from the written word.
From the early eighties: "Union of Snake On Rise."
“Lesbian Identity Ends Abruptly Mid-Junior Year” is still hard to top.
“ACLU defends KKK’s right to burn down ACLU headquarters”
This seems as good a time as any to ask. In the late 2000s, I recall seeing an Onion headline which read something to the effect of "Taylor Swift Successfully Crosses Over into Masturbation Fantasies of Non-Country Music Fans".
I am now completely unable to find this article. Did Swift's lawyers issue them with a cease-and-desist, or did I just imagine this headline?
Seems like The Onion has either (a) moved servers at some point, resulting in a whole bunch of their old articles basically being wiped away; or (b) deleted a whole bunch of their older and more "problematic" articles, presumably while whipping themselves with reeds as penance for their sins.
Something I know was there but got killed was the 2008 voter's guide.
Hillary Clinton on the Iraq War:
"I would never have voted for this war had I known it would become unpopular."
I love the layers there.
long story short, as someone who writes about The Onion's history: They've revamped their website a million times, breaking links and/or accidentally deleting jokes. In the 2020s alone, they changed the URL structure and broke thousands of links.
Also, for many years a lot of jokes weren't archived -- they appeared in print but not online, or were on the website for a few days, then deleted. I suspect something like that happened to the Swift joke you're recalling.