I Want Zohran Mamdani to Become Mayor of New York So That I Can Watch His Dumb Government Grocery Stores Fail
An idea so bad it deserves a chance
The New York mayoral race reminds me of nothing so much as this classic video:
New York is reaching the end of the term of Eric Adams, a Democrat embraced by Trump because he shares Trump’s deep commitment to corruption. The options in the Democratic primary have basically dwindled to a socialist nitwit and a mediocre pervert, where “mediocre” refers to the candidate’s ability as a legislator, not his résumé as a pervert. It’s also not impossible for Adams to win reelection, hence the video above. Other off-the-wall scenarios are also in play, because this election is like hearing something rustle in the bushes in Prospect Park: Any manner of surprising awfulness might emerge.
If I still lived in New York, I would probably vote for the mediocre pervert. But I don’t live in New York; I left a few years ago for Washington, DC, where civic politics is a sophisticated tête-à-tête between philosopher kings and queens, producing the enlightened utopia that you see before you today. So, my rooting interest here is purely as a shit-stirring outsider — I’m just in it for the LOLs, folks. And that’s why I want Socialist candidate Zohran Mamdani to win so that I can watch his dumb plan for city-owned grocery stores go up in flames like a Waymo in Los Angeles.
Here’s Mamdani explaining his dumb plan in his own dumb words: