If anyone is interested in the Mark Twain diary that inspired these, it's in "A Family Sketch and Other Private Writings," a collection of archival esoterica by the Mark Twain Project. It is very funny. A few selections:
*
When Susie was nearly 3 years old, I took a spring walk with her. She was drawing a baby carriage with 2 dolls in it, one with a straw hat on. The hat kept falling off and delaying the procession while Susie picked it up. Finally I dropped behind the carriage and said, "Now go on--if it falls off again, I'll pick it up." Nearly 2 days afterward, she said to her English nurse, Lizzy Wills:
"Lizzie, can you talk like papa? When my dolly's hat fell, papa said, 'I-f i-t f-a-l-l-s o-f-f a-g-a-i-n, I---l-l p-i-c-k i-t u-p.'"
Considering that she had probably never heard my drawling manner of speech imitated, this was not bad--nor reverent, neither.
*
One day on the ombra Susie burst into song, as follows:
"O Jesus are you dead, so you cannot dance and sing!"
The air was exceedingly gay - rather pretty, too - and was accompanied by a manner and gestures that were equally gay and chipper. Her mother was astonished and distressed. She said:
"Why Susie! Did Maria teach you that dreadful song?"
"No, mamma; I made it myself all out if my own head. *No*-body helped me."
She was plainly proud of it, and went on repeating it with great content.
(Maria McLaughlin was one of Clara Clemens's innumerable wet nurses - a profane devil, and given to whiskey, tobacco, and some of the vices.)
*
When Miss Hesee ceased from her office of Private Secretary and took final leave of us today, Susie said gravely, "I am losing all my friends." This is rather precocious flattery.
*
Susie - 4 1/2. Perceiving that her shoes were damaging her feet, from being too small, I got her a very ample pair, of a most villainous shape and style. She made no complaint when they were put on her, but looked injured and degraded. At night when she knelt at her mother's knee to say her prayers, the former gave her usual admonition:
"Now, Susie - think about God."
"Mamma, I can't, with these shoes."
*
One evening Susie had prayed; Bay [Clara] was curled up for sleep; she was reminded that it was her turn to pray, now; she said, "O, one's enough!" and dropped off to slumber.
*
Susie said to aunt Clara the immaculate conception was not puzzling to her.
Yes, and of course I’m also familiar with how Debussy poked fun at the portentous “Tristan chord” by utilizing it in a jaunty ragtime theme in his short piano piece “Golliwog’s Cakewalk” despite not knowing that a golliwog would later be considered an offensive racist caricature. Read la chambre, Debussy! (tap tap) Is this thing on?
So what’s the deal with Chabrier’s Souvenirs de Munich? Can you believe the giant brass ones on that guy, making quadrilles out of leitmotives from Tristan? I mean, who did that guy think he was, Offenbach? (Pause for laughter.)
This advice is spot on. Being both relatable and original sets comedians apart from the crowd. I think the majority of amateur comics know to talk about relatable topics, but being original is more of a challenge.
"a Japanimation show that other Japanimation fans know as “the one for nerds.”
Eh? I hate to be the ackchyually guy*, but Dragon Ball Z is probably the single most globally popular anime ever made. Don't get me wrong, basing a comedy routine around an anime series is an inherently terrible idea unless your town's JapanCon is literally going on next door. But if you're going to do that anyway, DBZ would be one of the best possible picks for audience buy-in. Relatively speaking.
Interesting about Dragon Ball Z. That is literally the only manga I ever watched. It was pretty mainstream in Canada in the 90s, and I have great memories of playing it on the Wii as well. (the show was pretty infamous for having people screaming to power up for the entire time between commercial breaks)
That being said, if you're doing stand up and you ask "who here knows X", do you have to have a backup topic in case you don't get a positive response?
Rob is right -- yes, you should. This comic was too green to know that. And, in fact, you really shouldn't ask a rhetorical question unless you're prepared to do the bit regardless of the answer, because "oh, nevermind" is an awkward heel-turn.
But if you get an underwhelming response, you might riff off the underwhelming response, do the short version of the joke, and then move on.
I have been on a bit of a Conan kick recently, and I can just imagine that he would absolutely kill with that "awkward heel-turn".
Which leads me to ask, do you think the ready availability of insanely high quality, talented comics on YouTube has hurt the entry level open micer? (how do you spell that anyways?). When an audience can have access to the best clips of some of the funniest people on earth, are they going to be more critical of Joe Shmo doing a so-so bit about his experience selling used cars?
New Mexico was famously featured in a show about desperate people dealing meth, and the rest of the country saw that show and thought: “New Mexico looks pretty nice.” Affordable housing + natural beauty = could do worse.
Kudos to Mike. His observations/musings are the antidote to the “my kid can do no wrong” affliction. Bold, funny and truthful. Enjoy her at this age though - we have a saying in my house that we stole from somewhere: “the older they get, the cuter they’re not.”
"The little girl does not appreciate my frank and vocal critical assessment of Moana 2."
I can relate to the kid here. When I was young a friend's dad took us to see a kid-focused movie that I'm sure was terrible, but we loved it. As we walked out of the theater my friend and I were debating whether it was a 9/10 or a 10/10 movie and asked his dad what he thought. His response of "Eh, I'd give it a 5", in a tone that clearly implied that he was being generous with the score, flabbergasted us to a degree that I still remember it decades later.
I have an early memory of my mom taking me to see The Care Bears Movie when I was four. I loved it, but when I asked my mom what her favorite part was, my mom -- who is not a sarcastic person -- said "the end."
Someone explain the joke (I know, but do it anyway, please, drowning guy here): why is it *satisfying* rather than, say, frustrating when your own child hurts themselves doing something you warned them not to do? Is it because that way you’re both assholes?
Because it shows that you're not being unreasonable as a parent. Sometimes you tell your kid not to do something, and they stop doing it, but you get the sense that they just think you're being a worrywart, that you're just trying to spoil their fun.
When they receive minor injury after refusing to heed your advice/directives, it proves to both of you that you're not just a spoilsport, you're actually looking out for their wellbeing. Also, you're smarter than a child. That's always a good feeling.
It's frustrating when they don't listen to you, but it's satisfying when they punish themselves for not listening.
The line between satisfying and frustrating depends on how serious the harm done was. It’s satisfying if it’s minor, learn-your-lesson harm. It’s frustrating if it’s harm that inconveniences me in some way (I told you to put your homework in your backpack last night, and now you can’t find it, and we’re going to be late to school, which means I’m going to be late for my meeting, etc). And of course it crosses the line to distressing when it’s a more serious or permanent harm that you feel you could have/should have prevented.
If anyone is interested in the Mark Twain diary that inspired these, it's in "A Family Sketch and Other Private Writings," a collection of archival esoterica by the Mark Twain Project. It is very funny. A few selections:
*
When Susie was nearly 3 years old, I took a spring walk with her. She was drawing a baby carriage with 2 dolls in it, one with a straw hat on. The hat kept falling off and delaying the procession while Susie picked it up. Finally I dropped behind the carriage and said, "Now go on--if it falls off again, I'll pick it up." Nearly 2 days afterward, she said to her English nurse, Lizzy Wills:
"Lizzie, can you talk like papa? When my dolly's hat fell, papa said, 'I-f i-t f-a-l-l-s o-f-f a-g-a-i-n, I---l-l p-i-c-k i-t u-p.'"
Considering that she had probably never heard my drawling manner of speech imitated, this was not bad--nor reverent, neither.
*
One day on the ombra Susie burst into song, as follows:
"O Jesus are you dead, so you cannot dance and sing!"
The air was exceedingly gay - rather pretty, too - and was accompanied by a manner and gestures that were equally gay and chipper. Her mother was astonished and distressed. She said:
"Why Susie! Did Maria teach you that dreadful song?"
"No, mamma; I made it myself all out if my own head. *No*-body helped me."
She was plainly proud of it, and went on repeating it with great content.
(Maria McLaughlin was one of Clara Clemens's innumerable wet nurses - a profane devil, and given to whiskey, tobacco, and some of the vices.)
*
When Miss Hesee ceased from her office of Private Secretary and took final leave of us today, Susie said gravely, "I am losing all my friends." This is rather precocious flattery.
*
Susie - 4 1/2. Perceiving that her shoes were damaging her feet, from being too small, I got her a very ample pair, of a most villainous shape and style. She made no complaint when they were put on her, but looked injured and degraded. At night when she knelt at her mother's knee to say her prayers, the former gave her usual admonition:
"Now, Susie - think about God."
"Mamma, I can't, with these shoes."
*
One evening Susie had prayed; Bay [Clara] was curled up for sleep; she was reminded that it was her turn to pray, now; she said, "O, one's enough!" and dropped off to slumber.
*
Susie said to aunt Clara the immaculate conception was not puzzling to her.
"
Do you guys know Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde?
Yes, and of course I’m also familiar with how Debussy poked fun at the portentous “Tristan chord” by utilizing it in a jaunty ragtime theme in his short piano piece “Golliwog’s Cakewalk” despite not knowing that a golliwog would later be considered an offensive racist caricature. Read la chambre, Debussy! (tap tap) Is this thing on?
So what’s the deal with Chabrier’s Souvenirs de Munich? Can you believe the giant brass ones on that guy, making quadrilles out of leitmotives from Tristan? I mean, who did that guy think he was, Offenbach? (Pause for laughter.)
Romeo and Juliet for kids who wanted to be Irish when they grew up
This advice is spot on. Being both relatable and original sets comedians apart from the crowd. I think the majority of amateur comics know to talk about relatable topics, but being original is more of a challenge.
"a Japanimation show that other Japanimation fans know as “the one for nerds.”
Eh? I hate to be the ackchyually guy*, but Dragon Ball Z is probably the single most globally popular anime ever made. Don't get me wrong, basing a comedy routine around an anime series is an inherently terrible idea unless your town's JapanCon is literally going on next door. But if you're going to do that anyway, DBZ would be one of the best possible picks for audience buy-in. Relatively speaking.
*This is a lie. I love being the ackchyually guy.
I'm glad you did this, because I would've hated to be the "claims to hate being the ackchyually guy but actually loves being the ackchyually guy" guy.
Nah, just kidding, I would've loved it.
The joy of seeing your child hurt themselves after they ignore your warnings is, in fact, very real. Spot on.
Interesting about Dragon Ball Z. That is literally the only manga I ever watched. It was pretty mainstream in Canada in the 90s, and I have great memories of playing it on the Wii as well. (the show was pretty infamous for having people screaming to power up for the entire time between commercial breaks)
That being said, if you're doing stand up and you ask "who here knows X", do you have to have a backup topic in case you don't get a positive response?
Rob is right -- yes, you should. This comic was too green to know that. And, in fact, you really shouldn't ask a rhetorical question unless you're prepared to do the bit regardless of the answer, because "oh, nevermind" is an awkward heel-turn.
But if you get an underwhelming response, you might riff off the underwhelming response, do the short version of the joke, and then move on.
I have been on a bit of a Conan kick recently, and I can just imagine that he would absolutely kill with that "awkward heel-turn".
Which leads me to ask, do you think the ready availability of insanely high quality, talented comics on YouTube has hurt the entry level open micer? (how do you spell that anyways?). When an audience can have access to the best clips of some of the funniest people on earth, are they going to be more critical of Joe Shmo doing a so-so bit about his experience selling used cars?
The short answer is yes. The long answer is hell yes.
I've learned recently that Dragon Ball Z is actually the one for Mexicans.
Good work, Mike. I am, of course, referring to you living in New Mexico; I’m from there.
Just kidding, I was talking about the comedy. It was funny!
But also, New Mexico is awesome.
New Mexico was famously featured in a show about desperate people dealing meth, and the rest of the country saw that show and thought: “New Mexico looks pretty nice.” Affordable housing + natural beauty = could do worse.
Yeah, it's true. New Mexico is awesome.
Kudos to Mike. His observations/musings are the antidote to the “my kid can do no wrong” affliction. Bold, funny and truthful. Enjoy her at this age though - we have a saying in my house that we stole from somewhere: “the older they get, the cuter they’re not.”
"The little girl does not appreciate my frank and vocal critical assessment of Moana 2."
I can relate to the kid here. When I was young a friend's dad took us to see a kid-focused movie that I'm sure was terrible, but we loved it. As we walked out of the theater my friend and I were debating whether it was a 9/10 or a 10/10 movie and asked his dad what he thought. His response of "Eh, I'd give it a 5", in a tone that clearly implied that he was being generous with the score, flabbergasted us to a degree that I still remember it decades later.
I have an early memory of my mom taking me to see The Care Bears Movie when I was four. I loved it, but when I asked my mom what her favorite part was, my mom -- who is not a sarcastic person -- said "the end."
Please tell more stories of comedians bombing. I get a strange sadistic joy from hearing those tales.
Also, I’d be more worried about the interest in getting a girls clothes *off* without waking her up
Dragon Ball Z, huh? Should have gone with Akira.
How about that Tom Hardy?
*comic book nerds clap*
Yeah, Tess Of the D'Urbervilles was awesome!
The long count in hide and seek is real tho
Empires have risen and fallen in my counts to 20 with my nephews.
Someone explain the joke (I know, but do it anyway, please, drowning guy here): why is it *satisfying* rather than, say, frustrating when your own child hurts themselves doing something you warned them not to do? Is it because that way you’re both assholes?
Surely it’s because the satisfaction of being right trumps all other factors.
Because it shows that you're not being unreasonable as a parent. Sometimes you tell your kid not to do something, and they stop doing it, but you get the sense that they just think you're being a worrywart, that you're just trying to spoil their fun.
When they receive minor injury after refusing to heed your advice/directives, it proves to both of you that you're not just a spoilsport, you're actually looking out for their wellbeing. Also, you're smarter than a child. That's always a good feeling.
It's frustrating when they don't listen to you, but it's satisfying when they punish themselves for not listening.
The thrill of saying "I fuckin told you so" is enhanced when the errant fool gets their comeuppance mere seconds after you gave the warning
In our case, it's because the cat finally had had enough, and we were exhausted in explaining this to our son, over...and over...and over again.
The line between satisfying and frustrating depends on how serious the harm done was. It’s satisfying if it’s minor, learn-your-lesson harm. It’s frustrating if it’s harm that inconveniences me in some way (I told you to put your homework in your backpack last night, and now you can’t find it, and we’re going to be late to school, which means I’m going to be late for my meeting, etc). And of course it crosses the line to distressing when it’s a more serious or permanent harm that you feel you could have/should have prevented.