OMG. Within 15 minutes of reading today's post, I'm watching Third Eye Blind playing in the Orange Bowl halftime show. During the entirety of the 90s, I never thought about TEB as much as I have on the first day of 2026. Is this some kind of sign for 2026? Should I be worried?
When I was in undergrad I worked in an independent DVD rental place. This was a place that had opened in 2002; I might be one of the last people to have had the "worked at a video store in college" experience. What I liked about it was, they paid cash and basically nobody ever came in.
This was a weird time to be in the "video store clerk" field because all the legacy distribution chains still existed and were putting out trade publications and catalogues etc., but the whole business was clearly doomed. So I was ripping my boss off, but I was also working illegal hours for less than minimum wage.
I didn't use this time to watch a lot of movies, because we didn't have a lot of movies. The place was new, so we mostly had a few copies of everything that had come out since we'd opened, plus some legacy classics that must have come in packages, plus a bunch of pornography.
To fill out the shelves of the non-pornography section of the store, the owner would order these like discount things out of the last few pages of the trade catalogues. I was the sole employee for the entire time I was there, and there weren't a ton of customers. Being responsible for following up on late returns, I had to look through the logbook every day to see what was late, so I eventually knew what every single customer had ever rented.
The two things I remember most vividly from this job are the time a dude tried to rob me with a dollar store cap gun, and the fact that we had a copy of something called "Art of Revenge" that had a cover that reassured any potential renters that the guy in the movie is the guy from Third Eye Blind.
I remember "Art of Revenge" because it was one of only two movies that I can say for certain that nobody ever rented.
Fun game, sing "Semi-Charmed Life" in your head and then "Two Princes" and see how long it takes you to get confused.
Edit: YouTube autoplayed "Les Fleurs" by Minnie Riperton after Third Eye Blind; if you need a pallet cleanser it's recommended listening. (Comedy connection: Riperton, believed to have the largest vocal range of all time, was Maya Rudolph's mother.)
This was pretty good, but I’m afraid that when I clicked onto the video you put of the band in question, the automatic captions triggered and the band were so incomprehensible that the automatic captions were in Dutch, so I’m afraid you have once again been outdone by an algorithm’s interpretation of Third Eye Blind when it comes to your comedy
There are few things more pointless and also fun than arguing about which bands are disposable crap versus Real Music.
Question, are Pearl Jam fans allowed to dramatically roll our eyes at T.E.B? Cause I certainly feel like I should, but I also worry that Metallica fans would just think we were all just (slur)s. And I say that as a Metallica fan.
There's a scene in the Pam and Tommy series where Motley Crue is aggrieved at being surpassed at their label by Third Eye Blind , which feels closer to All about Eve than Biggie vs. Tupac. But to me that reads as a lateral evolution, 80s cock rock may have been, ok WAS, much cooler than 90s pop. But better art? Eh.....more arguable.
Making fun of Third Eye Blind is crazy, Jeff. I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.
That's just how's it gonna be, sometimes.
Yeah it happens when you cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
He’ll never let it go.
I once did an outdoor poetry reading on a downtown Portland street while a mariachi marching band rehearsed a half block away.
And I was probably doing standup a half a block in the other direction.
Hahahahahaha
Probably a good thing to remember that the universe has a more finely tuned and acute sense of humor than any human audience you might perform for.
Yeah the universe definitely told the best joke of the night.
First of all, you haven’t done nearly enough crystal meth to objectively evaluate Third Eye Blind
Second, you haven’t done NEARLY enough crystal meth to objectively evaluate THIRD EYE BLIND
THIRD, YOU HAVENT DONE NEARLY ENOUGH CRYSTAL METH
Probably doesn't help that "Auld Lang Syne" rhymes with"Third Eye Blind".
OMG. Within 15 minutes of reading today's post, I'm watching Third Eye Blind playing in the Orange Bowl halftime show. During the entirety of the 90s, I never thought about TEB as much as I have on the first day of 2026. Is this some kind of sign for 2026? Should I be worried?
Great story, Maurer.
The fucking universe. I guess it did okay this time, because here we are.
Chicken soup jokes are ready for a comeback. Never give up.
When I was in undergrad I worked in an independent DVD rental place. This was a place that had opened in 2002; I might be one of the last people to have had the "worked at a video store in college" experience. What I liked about it was, they paid cash and basically nobody ever came in.
This was a weird time to be in the "video store clerk" field because all the legacy distribution chains still existed and were putting out trade publications and catalogues etc., but the whole business was clearly doomed. So I was ripping my boss off, but I was also working illegal hours for less than minimum wage.
I didn't use this time to watch a lot of movies, because we didn't have a lot of movies. The place was new, so we mostly had a few copies of everything that had come out since we'd opened, plus some legacy classics that must have come in packages, plus a bunch of pornography.
To fill out the shelves of the non-pornography section of the store, the owner would order these like discount things out of the last few pages of the trade catalogues. I was the sole employee for the entire time I was there, and there weren't a ton of customers. Being responsible for following up on late returns, I had to look through the logbook every day to see what was late, so I eventually knew what every single customer had ever rented.
The two things I remember most vividly from this job are the time a dude tried to rob me with a dollar store cap gun, and the fact that we had a copy of something called "Art of Revenge" that had a cover that reassured any potential renters that the guy in the movie is the guy from Third Eye Blind.
I remember "Art of Revenge" because it was one of only two movies that I can say for certain that nobody ever rented.
Fun game, sing "Semi-Charmed Life" in your head and then "Two Princes" and see how long it takes you to get confused.
Edit: YouTube autoplayed "Les Fleurs" by Minnie Riperton after Third Eye Blind; if you need a pallet cleanser it's recommended listening. (Comedy connection: Riperton, believed to have the largest vocal range of all time, was Maya Rudolph's mother.)
This was pretty good, but I’m afraid that when I clicked onto the video you put of the band in question, the automatic captions triggered and the band were so incomprehensible that the automatic captions were in Dutch, so I’m afraid you have once again been outdone by an algorithm’s interpretation of Third Eye Blind when it comes to your comedy
There are few things more pointless and also fun than arguing about which bands are disposable crap versus Real Music.
Question, are Pearl Jam fans allowed to dramatically roll our eyes at T.E.B? Cause I certainly feel like I should, but I also worry that Metallica fans would just think we were all just (slur)s. And I say that as a Metallica fan.
There's a scene in the Pam and Tommy series where Motley Crue is aggrieved at being surpassed at their label by Third Eye Blind , which feels closer to All about Eve than Biggie vs. Tupac. But to me that reads as a lateral evolution, 80s cock rock may have been, ok WAS, much cooler than 90s pop. But better art? Eh.....more arguable.
I think I used to like Third Eye Blind. I can’t remember.
I think I need to make myself a T-shirt with the line "the universe really doesn’t like it when you get too full of yourself." Happy new year, Jeff!
My guess is that the crowd leaving the room was them just reacting to the bear trap springing open inside them at the same time.