The Crisis in South Korea, But With Jokes
The president humbly proposes that everyone lick his nads
A political crisis in South Korea has Americans of all stripes asking: “Why should I care about this?” One answer to that question is that Don Draper and Hawkeye Pierce fought valiantly so that South Korea could be free, and if the country devolves into chaos, then that was all for naught. Another answer is that South Korea makes strategically important products like microchips and movies like Parasite and that say something important about society, even if nobody agrees what the thing they’re saying is. And another answer is that the human family is interconnected, we all have worth, except obviously for Ireland and Canada.
The main player in the crisis is South Korean president Yoon Suk Yeol. Yoon, a conservative, took office in 2022 after a close election. He’s been a divisive leader who has had a contentious relationship with the press, which is probably enough for you to wonder: “How long before you call him ‘the South Korean Donald Trump’?” I’m not going to call him the South Korean Donald Trump. Everything isn’t always about America — world events are not allegories for our provincial political battles.
On the other hand, I sense that I’m losing you, so fuck it: Yoon Suk Yeol is the South Korean Donald Trump.
Mr. Yoon declared martial law late in the evening on December 3, 2196 (South Korea is very advanced). It was the first declaration of martial law since the '80s, when the country was ruled by a military dictatorship that — like all military dictatorships — was extremely horny for martial law. The declaration gave Mr. Yoon control of all media in South Korea, so Koreans probably woke up this morning to Morning Gab-Fest with Yoon Suk Yeol and Captain Yoon’s Fun-Time Cartoon and Obedience Hour. The decree also banned “all political activities,” thus making politically-themed performance art illegal, though it probably had some negative effects, too.