My guess is that President Trump is not sleeping with Natalie Harp, his suddenly-high-profile aide. Trump fans probably won’t like my logic, though: I doubt that Trump has sexual function. He’s 80, and likely past the point at which nature says “Ewww — enough.” That’s a reasonable assumption given that Trump treats his body like a U-Haul van — he fuels it with cheap garbage and there’s zero long-term upkeep — and if he is able to achieve an erection through some combination of caffeine, rhino horn, and prayers to Satan, it’s probably so infrequent that moths fly out at climax.
But the nation is once again pondering the state of Trump’s wang due to speculation about what — precisely — is in the portfolio of his aide, Natalie Harp. The speculation is largely due to a surprise name-check in a speech given by Georgia Senate candidate Jon Ossoff. Here it is:
“Travel with Natalie”…what does that mean? Is that some kind of “hiking the Appalachian Trail”-type metaphor? Many conservatives think that it is, and they’re furious: Scott Jennings called the line “despicable”, and Laura Ingraham called it “a bizarre personal attack”. Republicans seems to sense that this could be damaging for Trump, and I think they’re right, though not because of sex. Like I said: I don’t think that Trump and Harp are having sex. I don’t even know if Jon Ossoff thinks they’re having sex — when asked why he brought up Harp’s name, Ossoff gave an answer that wasn’t about sex. But I think the “travel with Natalie” line works as a political attack even if there’s less sex than a Mormons-only Magic: The Gathering tournament. In fact, I think it works better.
