The Woke Kindergarten Final Exam
We scooped everyone again!
A San Francisco Bay Area school district gave $250,000 to a program called “Woke Kindergarten”. The program includes lessons that feature “Lil’ Comrade Convos”, imagine a world without police, money, or landlords, and call Israel “a made-up place”. The program’s founder has posted videos on social media saying that the United States and Israel have no right to exist.
I Might Be Wrong’s team of investigative reporters — in yet another major scoop of the mainstream media! — have obtained Woke Kindergarten’s end-of-year assessment exam.1 That exam is below.
Built from artwork by: Matt Cole (bird, “John”, “Miguel”, “Amari”), Wikimedia commons (hammer and sickle), Wikimedia commons (swastika), Tori Jones (clock), Pisut Tardging (bananas), Diana Johnson Velasquez (dress), Luz Eugenia (bow), Giuseppe Ramos (doll), Ardhi Creatives (mirror), Dani Hippo (woodland scene).
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Jon Stewart Can't Go Home Again
I Might Be Wrong is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Jon Stewart is returning to The Daily Show. It’s hard to overstate the impact Jon Stewart had on me; he’s one of my main standup influences, I loved his
We Are NOT Teaching Post-Funk Techno-Industrial Nü-Metal In Schools! We Are Teaching Funk-Infused Synthetic Post-Punk Neo-Metal.
Ellen Maurer was a teacher in the Virginia public school system. Her son writes the political comedy Substack “I Might Be Wrong”.
For the lawyers: No we didn’t, this is a bit. I looked at the actual Woke Kindergarten materials and heightened the absurdity by two percent.
I'm guessing that when most comedy writers hear about "Woke Kindergarten," they think, "That's it, I'm done. My art cannot compete with reality's insanity. I'm off to do something more rewarding, like waste manager for Newark Bay." Jeff, instead, has proved once again that he's not your average comedy writer. Well done, sir!
I think you missed the opportunity to point out that John is oppressing Miguel by making him carry the bananas, which, as we all know, are radioactive. John is giving Miguel cancer.
(Seriously, you do, in fact, get a small but measurable radiation dose from a banana, or anything else high in potassium)