Why Are Palestinians Cursed With These Morons for Advocates?
They have the worst fucking attorneys
A Palestinian who just wants to live their life in peace is a gold medal contender at the Olympics For The Cosmically Fucked. There should be a message board where peace-loving Palestinians can swap stories with North Koreans and gay Mormons about how fate, for some reason, loves kicking them in the taint. The only wisdom I’m aware of that might speak to their shocking string of bad luck comes not from Socrates or Aristotle, but from the comedian Dave Attell, who once observed a run of misfortune and asked: “Did someone fuck a leprechaun?”
Much has been written about how Palestinians have been failed by their leadership. Every word of that commentary is deserved; if Arab leaders in 1947 had announced a 77-year plan to disempower and immiserate the Palestinian people, today we’d hail it as the most successful effort since the Marshall Plan. For generations, leaders acting on behalf of the Palestinian people have had a three-phase play that they run over and over again, which is: 1) Attack Israel; 2) Lose the ensuing war so decisively that it makes the beatdown in Fight Club look like a near-draw; and 3) Divert state resources and international aid preparing for the next world-historic ass kicking. The fucking Donner Party had better leadership than the Palestinians, and if Hamas and Fatah were replaced tomorrow by a swarm of angry hornets, my guess is that many Palestinians would consider it an upgrade.
The kicker to this sick cosmic joke is that Palestinians’ support abroad also consists of some of the most inept motherfuckers on the planet. Say what you will about the MAGA cult: They at least speak to a nativist sentiment that makes them a potent political force. Pro-Palestinian activists in the West seem to be on a mission to marginalize themselves. I honestly hope that no one in Gaza or the West Bank reads this column, because I don’t want to add to their misery by informing them that many of the people literally carrying their banner in the U.S. are obnoxious know-nothings who are making the Palestinian cause radioactive.