You use satire as a wonderful response. Of all the line in Roxann Gay's column today, I thought this was the zaniest and possibly an inspiration for your piece:
"He promised good music and a good time, no politics, even though after three hours, his fans would stream out of the stadium and return to their lives where they did not get to opt out of all of the problems politics creates — the immense emotional toll of so many civilians dying senseless deaths, not to mention high gas prices because of the war in Iran, inflation and stagnant wages."
The most infuriating thing about Roxane Gay's stupid column is that it ends by noting that Sheeran *did* in fact make a public statement, finally, after weeks of being harassed about it. She got what she wanted (a statement from a celebrity agreeing with her political positions, dumb as that is) but she still wrote a bloviating column complaining about him.
She's soooo close to getting it with this paragraph...
"In some ways, I can understand their reluctance to make their political opinions known. Oftentimes, when they are asked where they stand on any given issue, the people asking are merely wanting the celebrity to affirm their own stances. If the celebrity doesn’t, he or she is roundly criticized or, lately, canceled."
I kind of want them both to live long enough to benefit from full aging-halting technology, so they can be around when people look back a hundred and fifty years from now and go, "woah, *that* trash was super lauded back then?!"
It's literally the only way they'll feel the bite of any accountability.
Those poor people. Three hours where they don't have to think of that shit. How dare Ed Sheeran try to deny those people their social obligation to be constantly dwelling on every social issue affecting them and humanity as a whole.
Not every social issue. Just certain ones! Interestingly that one involving Jews. Not the far more deadly and murderous conflicts, and actual genocidal conflicts.
I, for one, would like to know why Zendaya hasn't offered her opinion about the far-right electoral victories in eastern Germany. I demand accountability.
Don't get me started on the Wiggles. They don't give two sh*ts about Tigray; it's not just a stain on their music, but their entire careers. Where is my child going to get moral guidance on complex geopolitical issues, if not their music?
I find people's need for celebrities to express their opinions on political issues to be utterly baffling. Most of these people know little more about how the world works than your average high schooler, maybe your average college student. Are we really that hard up when it comes to things to be concerned about?
Curious to know who was holding out on taking a side in the Israeli/Palestinian conflict until they heard what Ed Sheeran's take was. All these people want him to speak up; let's hear from one person who actually changed their mind because his voice was added to the discourse.
Democracy is actually the second least bad form of government.
The least bad form of government is a specific form of almost-democracy, with the one difference from a regular democracy being that anyone who actually needed Ed Sheeran’s take to pick a side in the Israeli/Palestinian conflict loses their right to vote and maybe gets fired into outer space.
One annoying thing about the IMBW Audio podcast is that we never get to hear what the Gershwin brothers, Jethro and Seymour, thought about Mussolini's colonial policy in Libya.
Leftists will not understand this is satire. Either because they'll reject your premise or because they'll read your argument and think "hey, he's right!"
This was pretty beautifully written. Clearly Jeff was inspired by the quackery of our moment. I wonder at his spin on the Converse ads but the Sheeran moment is clearly the consuming one.
My opinion on the Israel/Palestine conflict is the same as my opinion on the Kashmir conflict between India and Pakistan. I dont have one. And anyone who insists that I have to have one can go fuck themselves or at least buy me a few rounds of beer before im willing to invent one on the spot to justify the said free beers.
+ Ed Sheeran didn't actually do anything. Okay, I sort of get cancelling people when they've actually said or done something. But now we're apparently doing it for people not doing things. Joy.
+ "But actually it is important because something something Zionist promoter something something Macklemore something something let's crowbar Epstein into this somehow something something billionaires something something" great so it's basically some kind of convoluted behind-the-scenes contractual dispute or something involving a rich guy, sure, making this the thing everyone's yelling about today is definitely going to help all those Gazan children everyone supposedly cares so much about in real and tangible ways.
+ Let's face it: unless you're a terminally online orc utterly brain-fried from chasing the eternal dragon of whatever-the-equivalent-of-dopamine-is-that-you-get-from-shrieking-self-righteously-at-people-online, absolutely no one deep down blames Ed Sheeran for trying to keep his head down. Because no one with any common sense or vestigial sanity wants to be part of The Discourse in 2026. The Discourse is fucking horrible. There is no benefit to anyone by joining it. The reward is to be endlessly shrieked at by one of many vast armies of aforementioned too-online orcs. All you get is to pick the team of orcs who are going to be shrieking at you, and no matter which one you pick everyone knows that they're just going to be waiting for you to slip up once so they can shriek at you in their turn. Wow-ee. Sign me up twice for all that shit.
+ Ed Sheeran had nothing of any value to say or do on Gaza to begin with, but he especially has nothing of value to say or do on Gaza now he's basically been bullied into it, because everyone knows he's just saying it because he wants the current army of aforementioned orcs he's pissed off to fuck off and leave him alone. But, of course, they're not going to do that, because one of the joys of aforementioned orcs is that you get to pick apart people's apologies to find reasons why (you can keep yelling at them) they're not sincere, and of course, it's NOT sincere, because he just wants everyone to fuck off and leave him alone.
So nothing of any value has come out of this except for the opportunity to bully a ginger who plays the guitar. And there have to be easier ways of doing that.
A lot of online discourse is acting like Ed Sheeran's career is over like he has the same fanbase as Rage Against the Machine that would be angry about this. He's the equivalent of a Live Laugh Love sign hanging above a throw blanket. I doubt his core fans care either way.
Yeah, at some point that bit's wishful thinking. When the dust settles and we all go back to not giving a shit what Ed Sheeran thinks, Ed Sheeran will be fine.
You use satire as a wonderful response. Of all the line in Roxann Gay's column today, I thought this was the zaniest and possibly an inspiration for your piece:
"He promised good music and a good time, no politics, even though after three hours, his fans would stream out of the stadium and return to their lives where they did not get to opt out of all of the problems politics creates — the immense emotional toll of so many civilians dying senseless deaths, not to mention high gas prices because of the war in Iran, inflation and stagnant wages."
The immense emotional toll of the concert goers!
The most infuriating thing about Roxane Gay's stupid column is that it ends by noting that Sheeran *did* in fact make a public statement, finally, after weeks of being harassed about it. She got what she wanted (a statement from a celebrity agreeing with her political positions, dumb as that is) but she still wrote a bloviating column complaining about him.
She's soooo close to getting it with this paragraph...
"In some ways, I can understand their reluctance to make their political opinions known. Oftentimes, when they are asked where they stand on any given issue, the people asking are merely wanting the celebrity to affirm their own stances. If the celebrity doesn’t, he or she is roundly criticized or, lately, canceled."
Also what a dumb sentiment. Going to a concert to just have a good time SHOULD be a way to opt out of the grind of everday life.
If only they were immune to Feeling Bad About Civilians Dying, like Ed Sheeran.
I believe that's one of his hits, IIRC: "I Am Fortunate To Feel Zero Emotion at the Idea of Civilians Dying in War." Was big in Japan.
Roxanne Gay is duking it out with Heather Cox Richardson for the title of most famous mediocre person of our age.
I kind of want them both to live long enough to benefit from full aging-halting technology, so they can be around when people look back a hundred and fifty years from now and go, "woah, *that* trash was super lauded back then?!"
It's literally the only way they'll feel the bite of any accountability.
Those poor people. Three hours where they don't have to think of that shit. How dare Ed Sheeran try to deny those people their social obligation to be constantly dwelling on every social issue affecting them and humanity as a whole.
Not every social issue. Just certain ones! Interestingly that one involving Jews. Not the far more deadly and murderous conflicts, and actual genocidal conflicts.
God, what a fucking hack.
Ed Sheeran is clearly the only person who can bring about world peace. We really need him to weigh in on geopolitical issues more broadly.
I, for one, would like to know why Zendaya hasn't offered her opinion about the far-right electoral victories in eastern Germany. I demand accountability.
Don't get me started on the Wiggles. They don't give two sh*ts about Tigray; it's not just a stain on their music, but their entire careers. Where is my child going to get moral guidance on complex geopolitical issues, if not their music?
And they call themselves artists....
The worst part is that just one word from him would solve the whole problem
No because now he’s taken too long to say it. The bar is always at least one rung higher.
Yep, all he'd have to do is lie.
I find people's need for celebrities to express their opinions on political issues to be utterly baffling. Most of these people know little more about how the world works than your average high schooler, maybe your average college student. Are we really that hard up when it comes to things to be concerned about?
Curious to know who was holding out on taking a side in the Israeli/Palestinian conflict until they heard what Ed Sheeran's take was. All these people want him to speak up; let's hear from one person who actually changed their mind because his voice was added to the discourse.
Democracy is actually the second least bad form of government.
The least bad form of government is a specific form of almost-democracy, with the one difference from a regular democracy being that anyone who actually needed Ed Sheeran’s take to pick a side in the Israeli/Palestinian conflict loses their right to vote and maybe gets fired into outer space.
One annoying thing about the IMBW Audio podcast is that we never get to hear what the Gershwin brothers, Jethro and Seymour, thought about Mussolini's colonial policy in Libya.
Leftists will not understand this is satire. Either because they'll reject your premise or because they'll read your argument and think "hey, he's right!"
They’ll just say ANOTHER GENOCIDAL ZIONIST ENGAGING IN WHATABOUTISM and go back to their regularly scheduled bias confirming material
You can draw a line from the fall of the Mutawakkilite Kingdom to the ongoing Houthi insurgency. Good going Mr. Valli. Walk like a man, my arse.
"hot in the pants to grab a microphone and give us his two cents" and "mumble-mouthed ginger Nazi"
I like a good zinger.
This was pretty beautifully written. Clearly Jeff was inspired by the quackery of our moment. I wonder at his spin on the Converse ads but the Sheeran moment is clearly the consuming one.
Excellent, just excellent . . . captures the modern lunacy just perfectly. And I do mean lunacy, as in baying in slobber at the full moon.
My opinion on the Israel/Palestine conflict is the same as my opinion on the Kashmir conflict between India and Pakistan. I dont have one. And anyone who insists that I have to have one can go fuck themselves or at least buy me a few rounds of beer before im willing to invent one on the spot to justify the said free beers.
Yes-keep the satire and sarcasm coming please! I need a daily dose. After reading Roxanne Gay in NYT I need a double dose.
Thanks!
When I saw the title of your article, I was hoping it was going to be satirical. Thank you.
I am utterly bewildered by this whole situation.
+ Ed Sheeran didn't actually do anything. Okay, I sort of get cancelling people when they've actually said or done something. But now we're apparently doing it for people not doing things. Joy.
+ "But actually it is important because something something Zionist promoter something something Macklemore something something let's crowbar Epstein into this somehow something something billionaires something something" great so it's basically some kind of convoluted behind-the-scenes contractual dispute or something involving a rich guy, sure, making this the thing everyone's yelling about today is definitely going to help all those Gazan children everyone supposedly cares so much about in real and tangible ways.
+ Let's face it: unless you're a terminally online orc utterly brain-fried from chasing the eternal dragon of whatever-the-equivalent-of-dopamine-is-that-you-get-from-shrieking-self-righteously-at-people-online, absolutely no one deep down blames Ed Sheeran for trying to keep his head down. Because no one with any common sense or vestigial sanity wants to be part of The Discourse in 2026. The Discourse is fucking horrible. There is no benefit to anyone by joining it. The reward is to be endlessly shrieked at by one of many vast armies of aforementioned too-online orcs. All you get is to pick the team of orcs who are going to be shrieking at you, and no matter which one you pick everyone knows that they're just going to be waiting for you to slip up once so they can shriek at you in their turn. Wow-ee. Sign me up twice for all that shit.
+ Ed Sheeran had nothing of any value to say or do on Gaza to begin with, but he especially has nothing of value to say or do on Gaza now he's basically been bullied into it, because everyone knows he's just saying it because he wants the current army of aforementioned orcs he's pissed off to fuck off and leave him alone. But, of course, they're not going to do that, because one of the joys of aforementioned orcs is that you get to pick apart people's apologies to find reasons why (you can keep yelling at them) they're not sincere, and of course, it's NOT sincere, because he just wants everyone to fuck off and leave him alone.
So nothing of any value has come out of this except for the opportunity to bully a ginger who plays the guitar. And there have to be easier ways of doing that.
A lot of online discourse is acting like Ed Sheeran's career is over like he has the same fanbase as Rage Against the Machine that would be angry about this. He's the equivalent of a Live Laugh Love sign hanging above a throw blanket. I doubt his core fans care either way.
Yeah, at some point that bit's wishful thinking. When the dust settles and we all go back to not giving a shit what Ed Sheeran thinks, Ed Sheeran will be fine.