IMBW Reporter Paula Fox May Have Helped Write Trump's Russia/Ukraine "Peace Plan"
We're looking into the allegations
Regular readers of I Might Be Wrong know that we employ one of America’s leading tech reporters, four-time Pulitzer Prize winner Paula Fox. Paula is known for her tenacious reporting, her comprehensive knowledge of tech issues, and her unique writing style. In fact, the third element — her style — is arguably her calling card. Much like Maureen Dowd or Tom Wolfe, Paula’s prose has a distinct panache that makes it recognizably her own. Here are some excerpts:
Did you detect the subtle rhythms that give Paula’s writing its sparkle? Some people find Paula’s prose distracting; I suppose they’d prefer the short, matter-of-fact sentences that Ernest Hemingway used at The Kansas City Star. To each their own. Personally, I enjoy Paula’s playful flourishes; I think that her style is the sauce that gives her work some extra zing. I suspect that her style may stem from the fact that she’s not a native English speaker — she comes from Eastern Europe, though I’ve never been able to pin down from exactly where.
Last week, Paula was at a tech conference…or so I thought. It’s now being alleged that Paula may have been involved in the 28-point “peace plan” being backed by Trump that is rumored to have been written by Russia. The plan has stunned many with its shockingly pro-Russia tilt, but I’m not here to editorialize on the substance of the plan. I’m here to comment on reports that Paula may have somehow been involved in its authorship.
The provenance of the plan — which some are calling “a wish list of the Russians” — is being analyzed. People are parsing its language, like the use of the phrase “it is expected…”, which is rarely used in English, but is a common translation for the Russian word “ozhidayetsy”. A.I. analysis of the plan has suggested that it has been translated from Russian. And now, some are saying that IMBW’s own Paula Fox may have somehow been involved in composing the plan. This clause, in particular, is drawing interest:
Some people say that this clause contains traces of Paula’s voice. Personally, I don’t see it. I think this is people letting their imaginations run wild because Paula happens to hail from that region of the world. Frankly, I think this is a xenophobic witch hunt — a modern-day Sacco and Vanzetti — cooked up by people who see Russian influence around every corner and used to harass a prominent media figure.
People are cluing in on the phrase “having an orifice expedition,” which they claim is an unusual phrase linked specifically to Paula. And Paula did use the phrase in this article, but I feel like “having an orifice expedition” is a common phrase in American english. I feel like I heard it all the time growing up in Southeastern Virginia — maybe it’s a regional expression? I know I’ve heard it someplace — Jane Austen Novels, perhaps? Ingmar Bergman movies? If memory serves, Nixon used it several times in the Frost/Nixon interviews — I’ll need to check the tapes. The phrase might be a little clunky, and a little passé — kind of like saying “all that and a bag of chips” — but I feel that Americans use the phrase “have an orifice expedition” all the time, and being weird about it is like criticizing someone for saying “sneakers” instead of “tennis shoes”.
I called Paula into my office to ask her about the allegations, and she denied them categorically. She said that she had nothing to do whatsoever with the drafting of the treaty, and that she had spent the entire week at the tech conference with her horny, curious, co-ed friends who need to have their spacious boobs spanked by a generous older man. She also pointed to the article from last week that she produced, entitled “▣N▣A▣U▣G▣H▣T▣Y 🍑 Tech,,, L3aders ]]Express 💕💕💕VOLUPTUOUS💕💕💕 Qualms as Fea,r of ~~~SWEATY, LUGUBRIOUS~~~ A.I. Bubble Cloud 🌺🌺INNOCENT🌺🌺ASIAN🌺🌺 Tech Conference!!! 💦💦💦” That ran on I Might Be Wrong last Tuesday. And frankly, Paula’s word is enough for me — over the years, we’ve developed a relationship built on trust. At the risk of flattering myself, she often calls me “the best editor and shaved Asian MILF she’s ever had.”
So, no: My suspicions are not raised by treaty clauses like:
Paula should not have to defend herself against these scurrilous allegations. We should assess the peace plan on its merits instead of casting aspersions at innocent foreign reporters. I Might Be Wrong now considers this matter closed, unlike Paula’s scandalous asscheeks which are viewable at sockpuppet/fakesite.kgb.
“Orifice expedition” is the technical term gastroenterologists use for “colonoscopy.”
How much did you suffer typing that all out?