It’s Getting Hard to Take the FIFA Peace Prize Seriously

Could its reputation possibly be tarnished?

Photo by Hector Vivas via Getty.

These days, it’s easy to feel unmoored. Everything in the digital age seems up for debate, and few things are permanent. In such a fast-changing world, I increasingly find value in the touchstones that give this mad world some grounding.

For me — like so many people — one of those touchstones has long been the FIFA Peace Prize. Founded in the mid-2020s and presented by FIFA — the soccer governing body whose name is synonymous with integrity — this august award recognizes outstanding achievement in the field of soccer peace. Past winners include Donald Trump. The award recognizes leaders who inspire us, those who embody the better angels of our nature and give hope that the human spirit might soar to lofty new heights. It also features a trophy in which several ghoulish, severed hands are dragging the world to hell:

Alternate designs included an octopus grasping a globe covered in blood and several gaunt crows pecking out a corpse’s eyes. (Photo from Michael Regan via Getty)

But recently, President Trump — in my opinion the most distinguished recipient of the award — has acted in ways that could tarnish the good name of the FIFA Peace Prize. After ordering a military operation that toppled the president of Venezuela, Trump issued a series of threats against countries including Columbia, Mexico, and Iran. He threatened further military action against Venezuela if they “don’t behave”, and has generally acted more like Machiavelli than Mandela.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but: It’s as if the FIFA Peace Prize means nothing. Could FIFA have made a mistake? If so, how? FIFA is widely known for probity and fairness, and anyone familiar with their exacting standards must be stunned by this development. What do the scores of historians and Just War Theory experts — whom I assume exist and vote for the award — have to say about this turn of events? Are they worried about their reputations (again, assuming they exist)? An unsparing inquiry is in needed, lest the FPP come to be regarded as some kind of joke.

What will the world be like if the FIFA Peace Prize came to be seen as a cringe-inducing bit of double dumbfuck stagecraft that produced supersonic douche ripples capable of bending space-time? What will become of humanity if the mention of the prize doesn’t make us think “incorruptible accolade given to humanity’s best,” but rather “idiotic farce that confirms that we’re lying at Cultural Rock Bottom with two snapped femurs”? I don’t want to contemplate that. A world in which the FIFA Peace Prize is seen as an unserious jerk-fest is one in which my spiritual mountains have crumbled into the sea.

And what of FIFA’s reputation? It was only after they established themselves as a soccer body with unimpeachable ethics that people demanded they spread their integrity to new realms. Their pivot to peace came in the tradition of esteemed awards like the World Boxing Council Prize in Medicine, The Exxon-Mobile Country Music Awards, and the Popeye’s Chicken Cajun-Style Trophy for Achievements in Pediatric Cancer. What if the award involved — I hesitate to even mention this possibility — cynical deal-making? Or possibly even corruption? From FIFA!!! That would be so world-shattering that it could trigger a complete civilizational reboot.

And to go even further through the looking glass: What if awards, generally, came to be seen as meaningless puffery in which the cynical flatter the vain? What if people started to think that some awards are just a way for attention-seekers to gain status, and that award recipients play along because their narcissism compels them not to expose the ruse? Could bedrock institutions like the Hollywood Foreign Press and Nickelodeon lose their luster? What Pandora’s box have we opened here? It’s possible that in the future grown men and women losing their shit over little gold statues might be viewed as somehow absurd!

I encourage everyone to remember what Gandhi said:

“When I despair, I remember that all through history, the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. And what helps them fall is gold-plated trinkets given to high-profile people. Yep, that’s key. Also, it’s best when the trinkets are given out by a sports governing body, and not a sports governing body that people respect — one that’s on the BBC’s Panorama like three times a year. Yes, they should give a one-time award to a world leader who shows all the behaviors of a mafia don, and they should do it out of nowhere, publicly, when they need his approval. Boy oh boy would that ever help with peace. Anyway…where da booty at?”

Wise words. But words that might seem ironic if the FIFA Peace Award ever loses its luster.

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